The Year of Seeking

I had big plans for 2026. Fortieth birthday, complete with an extravagant, once-in-a-lifetime solo trip. A finally-completed MBA that only took 15 years. A high-stress/high-reward role where I felt I was making an impact. Financially stable, saving for retirement and my HSA. Granted, things in the US weren’t going great socially, economically, or politically, but I was determined to have an incredible year in spite of it all.

I deleted social media in January, determined to eliminate doomscrolling and live a more intentional life. More reading, more investigating, more finding joy in the physical world. In the early days of the year, I relished in telling friends that I hadn’t been on TikTok in however many days. That I had traded hours scrolling algorithmically-curated social feeds for reading this interesting book that, by the way, they should check out.

I found myself thinking why stop at social media? I eschewed algorithms everywhere. Dumping Apple Music and their formulaic recommendations while dusting off my physical CD collection and old iPod Classic. I began checking out physical books from my library again, forgoing the endless TBRs served up by Goodreads and Kobo. I cut out over-consumption — no more buying something because of clever marketing or FOMO. I even (briefly) switched to a dumb phone.

It was almost like I had jumped in my DeLorean and traveled back to the 2000s. And as an elder millennial, I loved every minute of it. When I wanted to read something new, I actually had to exert effort to find something that fit my reading mood. I read magazines (MAGAZINES!) and scoured artists’ websites for music recommendations. I rediscovered my love of RSS, and, more importantly, getting news and think pieces from individual publications and creators rather than from a corporation. I started reading blogs again. Hauled decades-old PC games out of storage. Charged up my old Palm Pilots and Blackberries.

The friction of this slower-tech life made me excited in a way that I hadn’t been in years. No more YouTube deep dives or Wikipedia rabbit holes when I wanted to learn about something new. I went to primary sources, read essays and critiques and comparisons. I was using my brain academically again. Taking notes, writing journals, basically allowing myself to be curious.

But I failed to notice the larger changes this slower tech lifestyle were sparking. What started as tiny cracks in the foundation of my plans slowly turned into a seismic shift that has utterly derailed my short- and long-term goals.

I have been jokingly referring to this year as my midlife crisis without the sports car. More accurately, this has become the year of Seeking. Of discovering who I am, what I enjoy, and how things work.

And dear imaginary reader, I have already discovered a lot. I realized I hated my career path. Not just my job, but the entire field I’ve spent nearly 20 years in. I also got diagnosed with a chronic disease that has likely accelerated my discontent. But I’ve also rediscovered things that I used to love.

I haven’t blogged since the LiveJournal days, so please bear with me as I’m quite rusty. But my hope is that this space will allow me to explore the various topics that interest me and unpack the things that are no longer bringing me joy. Sundry Matters, the odds and ends of my life. Deliberately lower tech, no ads, no SEO. A target readership of one — me. So buckle up, bitches, because you’re about to get whiplash.